She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
