So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
