Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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