She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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