dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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