all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We had to coat check the pizza.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
