So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
