Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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