You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
