I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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