If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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