I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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