i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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