Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
