It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
