My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
