I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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