my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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