WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
