Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
