The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
