You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
