lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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