I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
