I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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