I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
