my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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