i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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