I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
