you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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