Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We're too hungover to prance.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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