you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
