Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
me + whiskey = a bad person
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
