He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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