new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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