That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
