a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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