He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
