Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
