yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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