new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
