I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
