and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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