I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
