May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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