A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
