I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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