Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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