the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
