i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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