it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
