So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
